Stuff Asian People Like™

Asians are quite manipulative. The arts of staring and slurping allowed asians to, for the most part, dictate their thoughts and feelings without actually vocalizing. These asians still suppress most of the negative thoughts that plague their minds until an extreme case comes along. In extreme cases, asians will result to the worst form of corporal punishment since the Chinese Water Torture.

Nagging is the ultimate form of asian punishment. Children fear it. Grown men weep at the thought of it. War veterans have post-anxiety stress disorder (not from war) due to it . Women, however, embrace it.

Asian women have made this, “nagging” their way of getting everyone to do: what they want, when they want it, how they want it done. This strange phenomenon occurs due mainly to B.F. Skinner’s concept of Negative Reinforcement, which strengthens a behavior by removing an adverse stimulus. For example, asian teens communicate online because they like to be discreet and clandestine in their chatting operations. Asian moms have the ability to nag and nag to the point that their children won’t even want to touch their keyboards, let alone speak to their friends. Nagging, in this example, is the negative stimulus, and not talking to friends, would be considered the reinforced positive behavior.

“Punishment, on the other hand, weakens a behavior because a negative condition is introduced or experienced as a consequence of the behavior.” Asian men love their sweets. A very high percentage of them have high-blood pressure and diabetes due to this sweet tooth that stems from years of glucose deprivation in their native lands. Upon immigrating to the land of abundance, they release their inhibitions and consume to their fullest potential. Their fullest potential isn’t what the doctor prescribed. When their wives see them picking up that last quarter of cake at their best friends’ wedding, they know what’s coming. A combination of nagging and the asian stare immediately pierce their souls and cause them to achieve something comparable to Mahatma Gandhi hunger strikes of the 20th century (To all of you Psychology Nerds: Nagging, in this context, is seen as a punishment because even the slightest inclination of food brings forth a negative consequence).

One can say that all asian parents have indirectly taken courses in Skinner’s theories of operant conditioning (mainly negative reinforcement and punishment). One can also say that Skinner’s theories were based on Asian teachings. Whatever the case, Asians have successfully mastered the art of Nagging, enabling them to control men that were once generals in the thicket of war, something unfathomable in even western society.

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