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#85 Arranged Marriages

Posted July 31st, 2008 by Peter · 7 Comments

Here’s the second installment of “Korean Moms Week” from Stuff Korean Moms Like. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as many of SAPL’s other readers have. We proudly present Chiyo’s “Arranged Marriages” post (originally titled: Marrying People Off).

They love this. If you are between the ages of 24-40 and you’re unmarried, your Korean mom is currently trying to marry you off. Don’t deny it. The sooner they get you married, the sooner they get to be ‘halmoni’s/grandmothers and not ‘ahjumahs’/older-married-women.

However, you are not to marry just anyone. Your Korean mom is planning your marriage to either a Korean Doctor or Lawyer, and maybe if she’s liberal and a little out there… a Korean businessman or woman. As you grow older, her attempts to ‘get you married’ will escalate. She will even resort to setting you up with people in Korea who are looking for Greencards (that you have never met) and have only seen photoshopped pictures of (…that guy in that picture she showed you? You know, the one from Daejon that works for Samsung? He’s actually bald, 5 feet tall, and has a snaggle tooth…but you won’t know until the wedding).

She will never ever ever, I repeat …ever, be “okay” with you wanting to marry from these catagories or groups of people: White, African American, Japanese, anyone of South Asian decent, someone who is ‘trying to figure out what to do with their life’, Artists, or Ministers. She may say that it will eventually be ok… but deep down, it’s killing her. (Mainly because she can now never brag about you again).

The last category in this set is considered a death sentence to a Korean Mom who does not want to see her child suffer at the hands of other Korean Moms at the Minister’s church. If her child does choose to marry a minister, and the Korean Mom somehow agrees, she will complain but secretly enjoy her new status as ‘one who gave birth to holy child’. If you choose to marry or date a person belonging to the other said groups, be prepared to have your partner experience shunning, an elevated form of the silent treatment, whenever he/she is in the presence of the aforementioned Korean Mom. If you are currently dating, partnered, or married to anyone in the list above… I salute you. You’re my hero.

Written By Chiyo

Last 5 posts by Peter

Tags: Activities · Culture · Customs · Environment · Habits · History · Hobbies · Korean · People · Relationships · Social

7 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Derek // Aug 1, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    I have a friend(non-asian, though she’s currently living in Japan) who actually told her parents that she’d be okay with them choosing a guy for her to marry. They thought she was kidding, and never tried to set her up w/ anyone, and now it’s too late.

    She was dead serious.

  • 2 sy88 // Aug 3, 2008 at 1:13 am

    It’s a good article… but I don’t see how it’s so relevant to “Korean mums” in particular. Many Asians get subjected to arranged marriages, not just Koreans… although I do understand that this piece is from a specific POV.

  • 3 Nhi // Sep 20, 2008 at 9:51 am

    My mom is trying to do this now. Except I’m 17…and he’s some random kid from Arkansas.

  • 4 Anh // Sep 20, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    yup…….i’m young 17 and my mom’s gonna start in few years xD welllll let’s see the rejections list build up in a few years.

    it seems to me that mother wants a good ASIAN boy ( pref Viet) with a good career, not an artist, and from vietnam. typical asian nice boy (yeah, good article, btw)

    not for me! who i marry will be my business i want to be happy in life

    True Love Does Exist If I Find It For Myself

  • 5 khan // May 12, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    I am turning 18 in a few months and my mom is already talking to families that I could marry into. I love that shes trying to find someone for me but its not what I want. I want to find true love that I believe suits me.

  • 6 huu // Jul 13, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Chanel Purses that dot the collection, they’re very taste-specific, but I could see some of the more subdued version working quite well with summery white linen or various bright colors for contrast. From Chanel Outlet

  • 7 Cyn // Aug 26, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    This is actually hitting me close to home, I’m Chinese and I’ve seen what my family has done to my cousins with all the ‘marriage matchmaking’. Especially to the girl cousins, always some pre-approved older professional they can brag about. Then there’s the pressure to make babies O_o
    I’m only 18 but my parents have my marriage plan laid out. No boyfriend throughout my college years and once I pass 24, hello fiances. Unless I can find a doctor/lawyer/businessman for myself oh boy I’m going to be stuck with some 30+ workaholic doctor if my parents are that lucky. But no fear they have plenty of potential families/connections for me to marry into. And no marrying out of the race either…some other East Asians are alright but no Japanese. Heaven forbid the Chinese and Japanese should ever intermix, the couple’s parents might kill everyone in the vicinity.
    It completely goes against the whole Hollywood romance that Americans are usually force fed but it’s a sad reality for a lot of girls. All I can do now is hope/try not to be one of them. Though I should probably just swallow it down and accept it if he’s a decent man. It’s the ‘right’ and ‘honorable’ thing to do.Tough pill to swallow for a 2nd generation kid.

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