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#108 Childhood Beating Stories

Posted February 1st, 2009 by Peter · 70 Comments

Telling other Asians about the beatings they received from their parents is something that nearly all first generation Asians can relate to. It is for that reason that I proudly present Agiel7′s user contribution today: Childhood Beating Stories.

While most white people would define child abuse as sending a child to their room or banning them from watching “House M.D.” for two weeks, the rather xenophobic older generation of asians is completely unfamiliar with such standards. So draconian are the methods of asian parents that it is conceivable that they aren’t afraid to murder their firstborn if they have to in order to make an example to the younger ones. After all, an Asian’s main source of nutrition typically doubles as an aphrodisiac (probably the reason China takes up roughly a sixth of the world’s population).

No matter how well an Asian does academically, there is always a mountain higher. For example, even though a majority of the population of Asian-Americans is musically proficient (certainly a valid point for why they’ve managed to snatch most of the engineering majors in almost all higher education institutions), the fear of being on the receiving end of harsh beatings is enough motivation to start learning that or concerto over and over again.

So let’s get to the point. Telling stories about the beatings they’ve received from their parents back-in-the-day is a past-time among more traditionally-raised asians, since often times even the entertainment derived from watching Larry, Moe, and Curly with chainsaws pales in comparison to the creative ways asian parents punish their children.


In fact, I seem to remember my grandmother finding a very interesting use for a fly-swatter. With the martial-arts prowess of the asian, almost anything can become a lethal weapon, from a roll of newspaper to a Hello-Kitty doll. If you are not asian and have not had the pleasure of hearing such yarns, do not be alarmed if an asian flinches if you have a feather-duster with a long, slender handle in your possession.

Note: While contacting child services is certainly a viable option in order to remove one’s self from said discipline, the threat of dishonoring the family and almost unimaginable retaliation from their parents should their plot fail is usually enough to discourage such endeavors.

Last 5 posts by Peter

Tags: Activities · Asian Parenting · Chinese · Culture · Customs · Habits · Japanese · Korean · People · Vietnamese

70 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jessica // Feb 1, 2009 at 11:21 am

    I still have fear of the mighty feather duster and plastic hangers. Mom decided to be “nice” and refused to use the metal kind. A lot of my childhood was spent crouching in the corner of our library with my hands over my head while being whacked on the back and ankles (her favorite spot to hit). Her other favorite weapon were slippers

  • 2 Amanda // Feb 1, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    Anything they could land their hands on was fair game. :P I still laugh every time I hear a teenager on the bus saying “Oh, they cut my allowance, I’m so mad”, cause that ain’t shit compared to what we went through!

  • 3 Christina // Feb 2, 2009 at 7:59 am

    I didn’t know this was an Asian thing! I just thought my mother was a loon. She loved wire hangers and leather belts, but once used my brother’s super soaker. Yikes! That one hurt. She broke it on my head too. Took my brother years to forgive me for having such a hard head.aloud

  • 4 nick h // Feb 4, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    Amanda, I know exactly what the hell you are talking about. Kids these days are too spoiled :P lol

    but yeah, pretty much any coat hangers, belts, sticks were conventional for my parents. This didn’t limit their weapons to these though.

    I can appreciate though… if my parents didn’t beat my ass for doing immature shit, I would probably end up like one of those kids that complain about being grounded or getting their allowance taken away. I never even bothered to ask for an allowance after the first time when I was a kid – boy did I learn my lesson…

  • 5 Nhi // Feb 9, 2009 at 11:22 am


    I remember, once, I actually tried to run from the beating; my mom just chased me, screaming, “It’s only gonna hurt more if you keep running!!!”

  • 6 Ash // Feb 9, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Amanda and Nick touched on anything their parents could get their hands on.

    I’ve dubbed it “The Proximity Rule” : whatever is within an arms length is in fact fair game.

    Cheers to being Asian!!

  • 7 Nicole // Feb 11, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Has your mom ever told you the saying… to hit is to love.. to scold is to “ai”??

    she’d say that to me as she tears out my hair and bangs my head against the wall…

  • 8 Peter // Feb 12, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    That stinks, Nicole. I think to some degree that the sole reason for punishment is to teach respect that we, as the children, only learn how to appreciate when we are old enough to be retrospective. I’m trying to say that they do love us, and that’s why they have to hit. Look at all the children nowadays. Parents are even afraid to lay a hand on their children because they have become too “smart.” What is this world coming to!?

  • 9 glo // Feb 16, 2009 at 8:23 am

    i still dont eat eggs to this day. to get me to practice piano for 5 hours a day my chinese mother would starve me to make me behave and one time after 2 weeks without solid food she shoved a plate of scrambled in my face while i was crying and from then on i cant eat cooked eggs in any form even the smell is gross

  • 10 Scarlett // Feb 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Yikes glo, i’m sorry.

    I remember once during social studies class when we were discussing child abuse and our teacher asked us to share stories. Well, I shared one of my family member’s, and every pair of eyes in the room literally swerved towards me. Haha wow.

    But I think nowadays kids have become too spoiled. No allowance? Grounded? You think that’s tough? Heh, think again.

    And I think having Asian parents does give me an advantage. First, I do learn to respect them more. Second, we get to share all these gruesome stories with our friends and classmates! Yay!!

  • 11 Danny // Feb 23, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Hmm let me see what my mom used on my
    a fly swatter, shoe, flip flop, hands.
    those where the days of when i was a child.
    but now she doesn’t do it to me because i’m bigger
    than her lol

  • 12 dbals // Feb 27, 2009 at 9:25 am

    Hey! whatever you got here is nothing compared to what kids go through in India. Severe corporal punishments are so common to the extent that stores sell canes – special wooden sticks – of different sizes and lengths to inflict pain. From thin stick for burning effect to Big fat stick for swollen, lasting for days pain are sold. Its not just parents, teachers can whoop your ass too.

  • 13 Hen // Feb 27, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    No one got the bamboo sticks?!?! They’re the worse…

  • 14 Jennifer // Mar 1, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    I got the bamboo stick..til my brother stole it and hid it in the woods. Then they turned to the belts. Not sure which was worse…

  • 15 Ashley // Mar 2, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    I can’t believe I can actually relate to all of this!!!!! lol I agree with Danny though. It’s in your best interest as an asian to grow taller and stronger than your parents.

  • 16 Agnes // Mar 6, 2009 at 12:33 am

    I remember my aunt tying 2-3 rattan sticks together. With one hit, it would leave 2-3 marks on our legs.
    Mum didn’t need any ‘weapon’, she’d just used her nails and twisted my ears till the skin bled.
    After all that, I didn’t spare both my kids. From using my hand to the rattan stick to pinching!

  • 17 Minh // Mar 6, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Shorts and kneeling on a durian fruit and a few whoopings at the same time anyone?

  • 18 Lee // Mar 9, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    I mean they can do the punishment, but not the hardcore such as smacking you with the wall or table, starving you for a whole day, using metal to hit you.

    If they really love you, they shouldn’t punish that hard. Similarly, if your gf causes trouble, and you punch her like Chris Brown does. That would be ridiculous and lunatic.

    Anyway, thanks to my parents who punished me, when I took the wrong paths. If not so, I would have become a retarded & irresponsible kid.

  • 19 Ryan Byrd’s Ramblings » Asian Persuasion // Mar 10, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    [...] #108 Childhood Beating Stories [...]

  • 20 Jacky // Mar 23, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I seriously cannot understand what you guys are talking about! Especially the part about how u respect ur parents more becoz of all the beating! I m asian, I got my share of beatings…but that only make me hate them more! Even til today I still have no respect for my parents but the only difference is that i m all grown up and they cannot beat me no more coz i will beat back!

    White parents don’t hit their kids (at least not like asian parents do), does that mean white kids don’t respect their parents? I don’t think so…my non-asian friends love and respect their parents a whole lot more than i respect mine..

    If they want respect, they have to earn it. You cannot beat respect outta the kids. What kinda lessons are they teaching? If u want respect, use ur fist? That case, I will have to go around and beating up everyone just to get their respect!

  • 21 Jacky // Mar 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    I wonder what Gandhi will say to the Indian parents? Use non-violence against the Brits but violence to ur kids?

  • 22 @ Jacky // Apr 7, 2009 at 12:31 am

    lol @ your comment. but seriously, i agree with a comment posted before about indian parents. your guys stories don’t sound nearly half as bad as what most first and second generation immigrant desi (Indian) kids living in the US have to go through, lol. i once got a severe smack down when i was 11 and we were running late for school. my dad, in a fit of rage, started smacking me with the blunt edge of his electric razor and then pulled me by my pigtails into the bathroom and proceeded to literally chop off 8 inches of my gorgeous hair all the while screaming how because i spent so much time on my hair, and not enough time on my studies, that i was the reason why we were running late…needless to say, it looked like a dead skunk had taken residence on my head and the kids at school were wondering why my hair looked like it had just been thru a lawn mower.

  • 23 Wanda // Apr 21, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    White parents hit their kids too. Once again it has nothing to do with skin color, race or how rich or poor your family is. My father beat me until I was big enough and strong enough to knock him on his ass. He broke my jaw, ripped out my hair, and beat me black and blue with belts, his hands, sticks and his feet. He threw metal cans at my head and cut my eye. He dislocated my shoulder and gave me black eyes. Maybe the difference between me and the Asian kids is that my parents beat me because they hated me, while maybe your parents hit you because they wanted you to realize the importance of school and music lessons and growing up to be a success. I never felt my parents loved me, and in fact I think they would rather I had died. Did the beatings you received from your parents make you feel that way too?

  • 24 Jacky // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Of course, my dad beat me up every night after dinner for kicks! Not becoz i had bad grades, or becoz I missed my violin lesson. One time my left arm was bleeding and I was only 4th grade! He is not only physically abusive, he is also emotionally abusive as well….all those threats about up-coming beatings if i don’t do this or do that! He beat my mom too. And plus, how does violence make ppl realize anything? U should not become a parent if u cannot make ur point via other means other than violence!

  • 25 Lyn not LIN! // Jul 3, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    I’m disturbed by all the “lol”s in the comments area. Being abused is not funny. And it doesn’t make one a better person with more respect. Respect needs to be shared or it is not real. It’s just fear. Fear holds us back. Maybe getting a A- isn’t worth feeling rejected from your family. Many parents understand that taking privleges away is enough to show power. Entertainment, texting, dessert, etc. is enough to take away. I will never forgive my father for beating me and my brother, especially since I don’t recall doing bad things to deserve it, because all i can remember is that he treated me like crap. and told me I was crap as well. (child abuse doesn’t have to be physical)

  • 26 Kei // Jul 8, 2009 at 3:29 am

    I agree with the majority. Kids sometimes need to be taught some lesson. I experience being hit by my mom and being beaten by my mom made me respectful and do things better. the beating is not what you think. Its not like the one that you’ve seen on television. Asian parents beat their children using slippers,hands,sticks and belts just for the children to realize that what they’re doing isn’t good and that beat isn’t like the children is going to die or something. IDK but I respect my parents for doing that to us. its not the beating… its the discipline and for not spoiling us. Im sure I’ll raise my children with some spanking on the butt but not too much. it is already child abuse.

  • 27 Roxzane // Aug 24, 2009 at 1:00 am

    I really think that all this is horrible! Though to some it might help them respect their parents more, I think overall beating is bad. Though I am the few lucky asians (Korean) that didn’t get beat. I am asian but my parents wanted to get out of that era (of beating children) so they never beat me (Though some spanks when I was little, but that was nothing compared to this!)

    I did hear from my parents how it used to be and I just feel very lucky that that doesn’t happen to me. But I think a bit more disipline is needed for me… not beating though. I never gotten grounded before, and I don’t get allowence anyways. The most serious punishment I ever got was being scolded (not spanked since I’m older now), being sent to my room, and not being allowed computer for a week. (I don’t watch T.V. so they can’t get rid of that :P ) But even when I was grounded ONCE I was told to stay outside, play with my friends and not bother them~ XD But there is a time for harsher punishment, but I think hitting or beating of any sort is going too far! So maybe somewhere in the middle would be a good punishment ^^

  • 28 Craig // Sep 14, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    LOL I’m Black and I still relate to this. I thought this applied to anyone who’s parents disciplined them instead of letting their kids cuss them out in a Wal-Mart thing. My lil sister tried to call social services once- emphasis on tried.

  • 29 Craig // Sep 14, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    On a side note I do think there’s a difference between discipline and abuse. My condolences to the people with parents who crossed that line…

  • 30 Roger // Oct 21, 2009 at 7:50 am

    I had my share of beatings…. just from my mom (who was Thai, whereas my dad was Irish) Well I didnt just get hit, but Thai moms LOVE their chilli. When I was five, I learned a major swear word in the Thai language, and oh boy, when my mom heard me say it…. She forced A LOT of chilli in my mouth. It burned pretty bad, and to make matters worse, I also got slapped in the face a few times. Now that was one of the less hardcore beatings.

    The most hardcore beating I had, well it started from a small arguement and turned pretty ugly. She grabbed a bamboo stick and whacked me in the ribs a few times, then the scary cat-and-mouse game around a circular dining table, then it ended up where she took my playstation controller and she used it like a nunchuck to trip me and continue to beat me….then to top it off she smashed the playstation over my face. Oh boy did I turn that straight-F into straight-Bs (it was understandable later in life that it is impossible for me to be an A-student, C was considered pretty good).

    the beatings are ended now, but every now and then my mom tries to hit me, but I grab the stick in time just to let her know…

  • 31 Nadra // Nov 13, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Same situation as the first person who posted :)

  • 32 Brenden // Nov 20, 2009 at 3:13 am

    well growing up in hawaii as a japanese i nevr got beaten. Actually my parents have been very extremely nice to me. My parents have had some violence though done on them. I think its partially because i’m 5th generation asian american. I mean my parents can’t even speak japanese lol. I know enough to understand. Hawaii has A LOT of azns and when i say that i mean alot. and most of us are 2nd generation+. so much the word “asian” if said as a form of label wise seems kind of awkward.. most of my friends are asian. Makes up 3/4th of a school. plenty japanese/chinese. I just say the type if i’d ever label. Almost all have nvr gotten hit also. I believe that america is becoming more developed. We do not need violence in life anymore. Partially because many asian countries were undeveloped. More babies, younger parents, more in-controllability. Also past governments instituted violence. In the future i see that beatings will no longer be needed. I turned out just fine. Most people here have “strict” parents. Very different. They apply the law by a firm voice. Leadership and the children understand. Some people I have heard pride themselves of being beaten. “Makes me tougher.” What truly makes an individual mentally and physically tough is the experiences one goes through. For me my parents taught me discipline by involving me in activities. Football was a good one. That is how people become tough. My dad’s dad beat him and it just shows me that he is unstable with violence. He will pound things when he hurts himself. Where I would just walk it off with class. I believe I have a better control of my emotions then he has. Society is changing and only getting better. I know some children are disobedient. Parents need a way to control their children. Hitting a child is the easiest way to stop them from acting up. Also one of the most primitive. I don’t blame parents hitting children but I do not approve of it. Many people say kids seem wild nowdays and need to be hit more than the last generation. The fact is that children are always acting up. Just depends on how the parents raise there child. I know of many children who go wild and do get whacked, they still do what they like sometimes. People attached themselves through volence but do not see the statistics behind studies. Beating kids do not have a high correlation with obedient children. Not that smacking a kid will not work, it just shows most of the time overall a child does not become the “a better child.” One reason why people notice the non hitting or indiscipline of parents because many individuals who were hit envy others who do not suffer the same way. This is a human instinct of jealousy that he should have it just as hard as i had. But sadly that is also wrong to do. I do feel bad for people who have been hurt from their parents as few shown above. My gf is from mainland and had that same issue. Those who still believe it works, well it is a system. There is never a right way. But a good way to do things and a bad. It is inevitable that even China and Korea are becoming as successful as Japan and the US. Soon they will hit the 2 child medium and will have better control over kids. More happier and educationally disciplined lifestyles. Which will decrease the physical punishment influences. Just remember, asians are not labeled for beating children. Much of Hawaii asian population does not. It is stereotypical and I find it offensive. Japan has changed and many people there have proper parents. I love my family they are good to me. I turned out more responsible then many beaten people. Its not a discipline, its a violence label. “Violence is not the solution.” Make peace not war among your family. and all will work out just fine.

    source: Philosophy/History major

  • 33 rex // Jan 18, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    Okay guys, you gotta understand: to these first generation Asian parents? Physical punishment is not abuse. They went through it all the time living in their shitholes in Thailand or Vietnam or China, which is why they came to America in the first place. Rest assured, unless your parent is truly abusive and breaks your arm or jaw on a regular basis (which is really bad, call the cops), you are not getting it as bad as they did when they were your age. Usually once they’ve been assimilated into Western culture they realize that child-beating is not the socially acceptable norm and will stop doing so. Next gen parents who grew up with people surrounding them that never got hit will think Never Again.

  • 34 eating with AppleJuice « Prinses Mijntje’s Blog // Jan 27, 2010 at 10:49 am

    [...] grew up with this typical Asian beating. and his mother does the exact same thing as he does (like his mother would be his boss, i guess, [...]

  • 35 GX // May 2, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    lol SO TRUE!

    Even worse for me, my parents own a Chinese restaurant, I have had pots, dishes, and cutting boards thrown at me.

    and those damn long handled spatulas…

  • 36 Erik // May 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    So that explains why the food smelled like butt.

  • 37 Les // May 20, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    This is in no-way restricted to Asians. I’m a typical caucasian American (3rd generation Slovak) and my mom’s favorite implements of destruction were the long and thick wooden spoons, textured belts and the occasional ‘switch’ branch from a tree.

    I have a great relationship with my mom today, and consider myself well raised, and successful in life because of the lessons she taught me. I was an insanely rowdy kid growing up – believe me, I needed the beatings :)

  • 38 Serene // May 21, 2010 at 9:29 am

    @Jacky, What you said about respect having to be earned is so true. I suspect what most people mean by respect here is really fear. I myself was seriously abused by my mother until adulthood. I bled and bruised but the worst torture was emotional torture. I never knew the meaning of living without fear until I fled from home when I couldn’t take it anymore.

  • 39 thislilchicken // May 31, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    @Lyn not LIN!,

    I think you’re misunderstanding how the word “beating” is being taken. Like Wanda said, many Asian parents beat their kids not to vent anger from other things, but out of love and to try to make you realize what your own stupid ass is too young to know is good for you. It may seem to be a twisted way of expressing love, but I never resented my parents for paddling me (“The Attitude Adjuster”), whacking me with hangers and slippers, etc. Getting your ass kicked does not always have to be child abuse, and it is unfortunate that there are parents who beat their kids out of sheer malice, but most parents are not like that. I am sorry that your father happened to have the wrong intentions, but I know my father had my future in mind when he beat me for my faltering grades. I may fear getting my parents mad, but I know that when they hit me, it was out of love, and it did hurt them to hurt me.

    I don’t think taking privileges away is enough to show power. So you take away their Internet, their texting, their dessert. So what? They’ll find other ways around it; I know, I have. I’ve always thought that parents who see that as harsh are too weak to really discipline their children and get respect. I hope I have the strength in me to punish my kids the same way my mom did to me when the time comes.

  • 40 Herb // Jun 24, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Well as a Black kid growing up, Dad wasnt really around and I used to be wild as hell until one day my mom said you think your ass is big and bad swing at me I never did but she fucking wailed punched kick you named it I’ve gotten throw out of a window from the second floor face banged into the sink smacked with a hot frying pan grits thrown on me Kneeling on Hard uncooked rice while saying i will never disobey thy parent while getting beat with her Belt, Extention Cord, Anything, One time it got to the point where she had made this thing she hold her tools you know what I mean and she’d tell me to pick my poison Lol Those was the days I could look back and laugh but It mad me a better man today unlike the blacks you see hangin around wasting there life on weed and shit

  • 41 J // Jul 7, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    @Jacky, I totally agree with you. I actually became hypersensitive and depressed as a child because of the beatings. There was crying, tons of verbal abuse from my parents and negative thoughts verging on suicidal feelings accompanying the beatings. The most common way they abused me was by hitting me with slippers, usually on the butt. I wasn’t physically accosted by my parents after entering junior high school for the most part. There was one incident when my dad hit me during my senior year because I missed the school bus. There was also another incident in which my dad left strangulation marks on me and I had the opportunity to press charges, but I declined to the police officer.

    Even to this day, I still have problems of being too submissive and not standing up for myself to people. My sister argues that our parents didn’t beat us because to her, only more “extreme” acts like giving kids a black eye or whipping them with your belt qualify as beating. Do I am a better person today? Yes and no. But any improvement is not because my parents raised me well. I decided to become the opposite of them. The only reason I would ever hit someone is because I abhor them, not because I love them.

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  • 43 Annie // Jul 14, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    My Mother was insane compared to the “American” mother. I was hit with metal rulers, bamboo sticks and broom sticks. Usually what ever age I was. I remember going to swim class with the back of my legs black and blue. I was embarrassed, I was 8. When I became a teenager, it wasn’t the little green rug I had to stand still on while being beat, but…more so a beat down, when anything went…bruised from heat to toe. I still don’t remember what I did that was so wrong.

  • 44 Simon // Jul 21, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Yup diddo, My mom would most always do the dirty deed by finding whatever was around to hit me with.. hangers, dusters, shoes, remote control, violin stick thing.. like what someone said before, whatever is within arms reach is fair game.. and most of the times they didn’t hit me, they effing whipped it at me.. when it was all done, I looked like Jesus from The Passion of Christ.. bloody whip marks on my back.. and I couldn’t hit back and I didn’t want to block it for it might make my mom and go ever more ape sh!t on me.. I only remember my dad hitting me once.. but i’m pretty sure I don’t remember anything else besides that it happened in a basement somewhere and ended up with blood and puke all over the floor…
    ahhh good times, good times..
    Do I regret that, or resent them?? not at all.. because of all that, I’m not a spoiled little douche.. It taught me respect for them and to do what they say.. tough love…

  • 45 John // Aug 8, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    I grew up with Hispanic parents, and corporal punishment is prevalent in that culture as well. I was beaten almost everyday of my childhood. I personally do not think that it did me any good. In fact I struggle with self confidence because of it. My mother was the one that beat me. I do not blame her as she was beaten worse in her childhood. But my father was never beaten. Not once. And he had an amazing career as a medical scientist and University professor. He never lacked confidence and got what he wanted. He was extremely disciplined as well. So, when I have my children, I will not beat them. I will certainly be strict, but I will not make them afraid of me. I am visiting this website because I love different cultures, and my wife is Chinese. We have been discussing this for a while.

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  • 47 Sierra1172 // Sep 12, 2010 at 12:22 am

    @thislilchicken, how the @$)* is beating your child/children up supposed to earn you respect?! so lets say… I’m your father and you got a B+ on a test instead of an A i whoop the shit out of you and tell you that you have disappointed me, and you are probably retarded for not getting an A? because that’s what my uncle did to me. Although other stories are much worse. I remember my father hold me upside-down by my ankles and whack me with a cane on my back and legs. But my point is, how do you earn your child’s respect by beating them, it should be earned with sympathy, compassion, love and concern. What i would do if my child got bad grades would be to tell him to try harder and encourage him, and that he can be successful in life, not whack the life sh*t out of him and tell him he’s useless.

  • 48 dualmy pena // Oct 4, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    @Peter, i dont think a child should be beaten to an extent that they are going to be afraid. yes a child should get hit once in a while but not all they time they do something that they are not suppose to . a child listens more to a parent when some thing is taken away that they tend to love. i work with very unbehaved kids . and taking thier favorite toy away is much more hurtful than beating them . they know then to no do it again because hey dont want their toy taken away ..

  • 49 thislilchicken // Oct 22, 2010 at 4:37 pm


    Once again, you are misunderstanding the statement. Spanking does not equal extremely painful physical punishment. If you get whooped very badly, then that’s you. Most parents who beat don’t go to an extreme extent, and that’s why we’re able to laugh it off.

    You don’t “whack the shit out of your child”. For some reason, people like you are utterly incapable of understanding that corporal punishment does not mean that. Corporal punishment can mean just swatting a child, which is what my parents did to me. I never got bruises. Did it sting? Heck yes. Did it make me think twice about screaming? Heck yes.

    Some people learn to respect parents though “sympathy, compassion, love, and concern”. Naturally, all parents should have that, but it’s sometimes not enough. My mother showed all of that to my brother and very little of corporal punishment. He gets grounded, he gets the internet taken away, but he’s still extremely disobedient. The only thing to make him LISTEN, OBEY, and ultimately RESPECT even if through fear, is when my mom slaps him. That gets him through his little bubble of “I deserve this and that and my mom is a stupid bitch for thinking otherwise”.

    If you’re going to argue about this, at least stick to the definition I gave. I wasn’t talking about beating the shit out of your child and telling him he’s a retard. I was talking about disciplining. My parents don’t say I’m a retard for that, my friends’ parents don’t call them retards for that. Just because YOUR uncle called you a retard doesn’t mean it extends to everyone.

    Though I have a feeling he was right, since you’re thoroughly incapable of reasoning and reading. I think that beating certainly wasn’t enough for you.

  • 50 Candice // Nov 10, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Trust me, this is not just an Asian thing; my mother carried a wooden spoon around in her purse for when we misbehaved. Then again, it has only really been in the last 10-15 years that parents have stopped disciplining their children let alone beating them.

  • 51 jmom // Nov 21, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    @John-thanks for reminding me that kids who were not abused have confidence and self esteem. Because my 2nd generation chinese dad used belts and hand what ever to beat us as children/teens and I’ve struggled with esteem issues for ever. I’ve had a very interesting career in the arts, but always felt less than or shameful. This topic is not really humorous because physical abuse or mental is very hurtful, and does not make one “tougher”

  • 52 First gen Asian in US // Dec 14, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Chopsticks were a bitch! And that was when I was 17 years old! No wonder so many first gen Asians in America are traumatized and have a very skewed memory of childhood compared to their white counterparts.

  • 53 First gen Asian in US // Dec 14, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    @John, the whole “it’s better to be feared than to be loved” crap is so medieval and outdated that it’s not fit for this generation. It’s not to say every child that ever does something wrong should go to a “time out” or some silly nonsense like that, but it is more important to teach a child right and wrong than physical punishments that serve no tangible results other than to hold a grudge. I’m with you 100% on this ^_^

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  • 55 kimia // Dec 27, 2010 at 7:21 am

    why do you say all of Asian parents beat their children? I am Iranian and Iran is an Asian country but my parents don’t beat me and all of children that I know don’t be beaten by their parents also I have Arabic friends and their parents don’t beat them don’t say all of Asian parents.(or just not Iran and Arabic countries.)

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  • 58 Kate // Mar 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    From reading the comments, even I’d classify most of those stories of beatings as abuse. (I’m a first-gen Chinese.) I know disciplinary methods vary from family to family, and from child to child. Perhaps being more physical works better with some kids (boys?) than others. Other than a couple of spankings when I was very young (for things like repeatedly trying to poke things into the wall plugs and kicking my mom), I have not been beaten. I have been verbally admonished, sometimes quite severely, but I’ve never received a scratch, welt or bruise from my parents.

    The funny thing is that I turned out to be much more conscientious than some of my friends who got beaten regularly by their parents. My parents don’t even pressure me to do well at school anymore, because they know that I’m placing so much more pressure on myself.

    I asked my mom about it once. She said that she thought those child-rearing techniques are totally inappropriate in the modern society, and that the only time beatings are acceptable is when it’s for the child’s own safety, and that love and respect don’t come from violence. I think I have pretty smart parents. :-)

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  • 61 Vivi // May 10, 2011 at 10:06 am

    At first, I found a lot of the comments here amusing. Almost all the Asians that I know have similar child hood beating stories ( and I’m an Asian myself). Every time my mother took the good ol’ leather belt I knew I have the ultimatum coming for me. As much as it hurts, after my mother finish lecturing me both verbally and physically she always ask the same question. ” Would I truly hurt you if you had not done _____?” I will say no, curse her under my breath, and as she walks away I will mutter how I wish I was born to non-Asian parents or if she’s dead.
    Now, fast forward 12 years I think the exact opposite. My mother truly loved me, she wanted me to grow up as respectable young adult with a back bone. She wanted me to learn to respect, learn my mistakes, and most of all to think of my actions. She was strict, and her upbringing was certainly Draconian, but she was still my mother. Because of her I strive to be competitive, get good grades, and excel. I still hate time to time for the actions she have done, but the question that she asked me so long ago echoes back into my head.
    Once, a family member pulled my ear because I spoke back ( since I’m an extremely rebellious child, and still is) and my mother raised her voice. ” Only I have the authority to discipline my child,” beating is one thing, but child abuse is another. This brings me to my second point. A lot of post here talk about their abusive parents who hit them for no reason. Now, that’s called child abuse, and should never be tolerated. That is also the time when you pick up the phone and call Child Services. Picking on someone weaker on you for no purpose does not count as disciplining. It’s abuse. There is a big difference between the two. Maybe, its also a sign that your parents weren’t exactly in their right state of mind either. People like these are what make me sick, and should be the type that are reported.

  • 62 Girl Here // Oct 3, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Isn’t also a black thing too? (I’m part black, and asian, double the beating!)
    Haha, no, but my grandma had this bamboo stick, I’d usually outrun her and hide in the bathroom. I broke a few of them and threw them away, she never used it on me much, cause she’s old.

  • 63 Kathie // Oct 30, 2011 at 11:11 am

    This is pure TRUE!
    Every time I do something bad when young, I get the smack in the butt with newspaper, flyswatters, their own hands, and pretty much anything! I thought my parents were torturing me back then and always wonder why I never got grounded but instead smacked

  • 64 Her // Dec 17, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    I think all you people saying “LOL” & that you have respect for your guardians for abusing you are wrong. I’m currently a teenager that is getting hit and I hate it. My mom works 5 days a week. For the 2 days she’s at home, I don’t even have peace of mind. She hits me over tiny things. This one time, I left my sock hanging a bit out of the drawer.. and she went ballistic & hit me, yelling that she works five days a week to support the family without complaining (she does complain. A LOT), and while she’s “working her ass off”, I’m being an ungrateful brat by forgetting to put the sock ALL THE WAY in the drawer. I had 4 bruises from that beating. I cry myself to sleep most nights, wondering “Dear God, what have I done to deserve being in a family like this? All I want is a loving family that would never hit me.” I’m torn between telling the school guidance counselor & bearing with the pain until I turn 18 and leave this god-damned place.

  • 65 illiniwu // Dec 24, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    I know that note you put at the end of this article is meant to be facetious, but judging from the comments talking of real child abuse this is insensitive. Yes, it’s uncalled for to contact child services for minor spankings. But when you’re getting bruises, blood drawn, and getting beat for childish things, it’s not funny and child services should intervene. Spankings only work if the kids know why they’re getting hit and remember why instead of how just remembering they wanted to die from the pain.

  • 66 Mr. Duby // Apr 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

    My mom was treated like a princess when she was still living in Vietnam because she was born prematurely. She was a weak and sickly child but she later grew into a beautiful woman and began to look normal in her 20′s. She never worked a day in her life until she moved to the states in her 20′s. Like most of you, I was beaten with a variety of inanimate objects. The beatings stopped when she brought to my room a steaming hot cup of orange medicine. There was no sign of sickness in me, and I told her that I didn’t need it. She began nagging and I remained silent while sitting there holding the hot cup. She nagged me to the point where she started smacking and punching my head and that’s when the contents from the cup spilled onto one of my Law books. I yelled for her to stop. She stopped for a few seconds but began again when I let my guard down, and that’s when I couldn’t take it anymore (I was sitting on the ground) and splashed the entire orange medicine on her. My step-dad got angry and started threatening me. He would have killed me if my mom didn’t intervene. She hasn’t hit me since.

  • 67 ilovehorseyrides // Aug 16, 2015 at 11:52 am

    The items that Asian parents use to beat their children are called “tun teal” in Cantonese.

    I have been a victim of these tun teals while growing up. In my household, the tun teals are:

    Clothes hangers

    And they REALLY hurt!!!

  • 68 ilovehorseyrides // Sep 26, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    When I was 12 years old, a whole bunch of my relatives slept over at my house. One of my cousins wore a diaper to bed at the age of 4 1/2. One night, he refused to go to bed, and I saw my uncle pounding on his butt HARD over and over again as he was screaming. It was a typical Asian beating. I still remember it like it happened the night before.

  • 69 Carl // Oct 2, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    I get annoyed with posts like this.

    Let me clarify something:

    Upper middle class yuppie and hipster whites who live in urban areas may not spank there kids, but the United States is a very big country.

    My school in rural Ohio was almost all white. We still got our butts paddled by the principal, and our parents signed forms approving it.

    Me and all my friends got spanked routinely throughout our childhood.

    It wasn’t uncommon for teenage boy’s fathers to take the belt to them for serious offenses.

    Not all whites the well-educated, high income, Democratic Party voting urbanites who Asians, African-Americans, and Latin@s love to hate.

    The United States is full of rural, right-wing, ultra-religious white trash who beat the shit out of their kids. They hate urban middle class liberal whites just as much as you do, FYI.

  • 70 Jenny // Apr 1, 2017 at 2:26 am

    For me, it was the long chopsticks. I have no idea what the actual intended use of a pair of round wooden chopsticks as long as my arm could be, but even though it was kept in the cutlery drawer, the only time I’ve ever seen my mother use it for anything was to hit me or my brother across the palms or on our arms, then she puts it back into the drawer – extremely unhygenic!

    As an introvert, I have received worse beatings on the playground, so what got to me wasn’t the minor pain, it was my early realization that my mother was an unreasonable person who would hit someone for ‘talking back’ and that I could never /blindly/ trust those with authority to treat those under their power and care fairly – so I guess her hitting me did teach me something valuable early on.

    I don’t talk to her anymore, though for appearance’s sake, I send her a “Happy Holidays” email each year.

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