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Open Letter #1 – If You Really Knew Me

Posted October 15th, 2010 by Peter · 8 Comments

This week’s submission is quite different from what you’re used to on SAPL. All of us have probably felt this way at one point or another, so enjoy this very first installment of Open Letter, If You Really Knew Me, by Kendrick Au.

If You Really Knew Me

In light of all of these stories about suicide and depression that have been filling our media streams lately, I thought I would try to make a difference rather than stand by and watch. I read a couple of days ago about a school in Ohio in which four teenagers committed suicide because of bullying. This story really resonated with me because throughout the course of my life, I have been ridiculed for the things I like or what I do. And it almost seems at times, giving up is the easiest way out of things. But for anyone who is reading this right now, Never give up.

I don’t know about most people but for me, I walk with through the hallways of school hiding behind walls I put up. For the past couple of years, I have been the below average student, the below average athlete, the below average musician. It seems as if nothing I did really put me above and beyond everybody else in this world. As a child of two Asian parents, you are always pushed to be better than everyone else, but I could never meet up to my parents expectations. And as I would fail them, I would fail myself.

I would wake up in the morning, and first thing I do, is ask myself, “What are you going to do with your life Kendrick?” Never has a question been so hard to answer in my life. I’d get to school feeling disgraced, envying all of those around me. IB kids with better grades than me. Athletes who are better than me physically. I was useless. People would come up to me sometimes and ask me, “Is something wrong?” And I would tell them “No.” even though clearly there was. I would then hide myself behind this persona that had no worries and was great at everything. But I would come home everyday thinking if I were to die tonight, would anybody care? Too many times have I tried to test that theory but never had the courage to.

September 30th, 2010 was the day that I changed my life around. After school that day, I met a girl who seemed extremely down and I talked to her and asked her if everything was okay. She told me her story and I began to try and comfort her. The more we talked, the more I could relate to how she felt. Even though she was not the greatest in the field she wished to excel at, I could still find a million other things she could smile about

After our discussion, she thanked me for talking to her and told me that she wished there were more people like me in this world. It then occurred to me that if the world seems to be raining down on you, be your own sunshine. We all have something to smile about. Some of us have to look harder for it but trust me, you can find it. So for anyone who might be reading this and feel like they are in the same position as I was, smile. Life is a beautiful thing, don’t throw it away.

Never give up.
-Kendrick Au

If any of you have Open Letters (Anonymous or Non-Anonymous), please submit them or send them to asianslike [at] gmail [dot] com.

Last 5 posts by Peter

Tags: Open Letter · People · Relationships · School · Sports

8 responses so far ↓

  • 1 **** // Oct 17, 2010 at 9:31 am

    Amazing and inspiring. Thank you.

  • 2 silk scarf // Oct 21, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    Thanks.I think i know you.

  • 3 juicy couture // Oct 24, 2010 at 1:06 pm

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  • 4 Tiff // Nov 24, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    OMG i am Chinese, I am glad you wrote this post. It really inspired me to be friendly with those that don’t have a lot of friends. I am a cheerful person on the outside, but sometimes I can’t hold it. I am a below average student and athlete too. Everything I do I just feel so down because I can never please my parents. I am ashamed of myself, I blame my lack of motivation also my low IQ. Thanks for this post :)

  • 5 Regalo // Dec 1, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Thanks for posting this. I can relate to your experience because I was once placed in special ed and was always picked last in gym class. After years of building myself up, I’m now passing my college courses and athletes my age admit they have a hard time keeping pace with me. I admit, I’m a pessimist. It’s hard for me to find reasons to smile but I’m sure I have reasons to smile because I know my life can’t be all bad. So I’ve got to have at least one or two things to smile about. And to anybody else who thinks they don’t have much going for them, I want to leave you with words Thomas Edison once said: “Never, never, never give up.” I’ve done it, you can too.

  • 6 Filipina At Home // Dec 4, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Thanks for this post which I am sure, has not only inspired, but, I would venture to say, SAVED a lot of people.

    I would say that this awkwardness, insecurity and feeling of constantly trying to find your place in this world comes with being young.

    As we go through life, we gradually realize our strengths and weaknesses. (We all have them.) And as we get to know ourselves better, accept our weaknesses and appreciate our talents and potentials, we slowly build up our confidence in ourselves and learn to love ourselves better.

    It really helps to be surrounded by loving and caring people. If you can’t talk to your parents, or have no friends, talk to your God. It helps believing in a Greater Being whom you can turn to in your time of need.

    To all those who may think their lives are worthless, let me share this thought which always inspires me. I always tell myself that God created me for a reason. God loves me, even if I am a sinner. I need to please ONLY God and nobody else. What other people think or say does NOT matter.

    Nobody is worthless. Each of us is here for a reason.

    Sometimes we are too caught up with the things that we don’t have, we fail to see what we HAVE.

    Cheer up! Count your blessings!
    Life is BEAUTIFUL!

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  • 8 juicy couture // Jan 14, 2011 at 8:56 pm

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